Did some adventuring on the street fair. Time for work!
Did some adventuring on the street fair. Time for work!
How life can so quickly change. It is only when you are open to and accept the possibility of change in your life that is when you will find fulfillment. Life is in constant movement and most often takes us by surprise. But why? It’s not like we don’t hear about crazy things happening every day. That’s the world we live in today, it can be a constant state of chaos if you allow it to be. If however you can accept that things will always be changing and that you have little to no control over anything that happens it seems there is a possibility to live happily and dare I say blissfully among the chaos. I can only say it has been barely over half a year sense I came to these revelations in my life, so I am by no means an expert on the subject. But I have chosen to live a certain lifestyle in order to continue to grow and learn more about living a kinder, happier and less stressful life. Just this January around my birthday time my life was looking completely different in my eyes than it is today. I was once again wastefully spending my time with someone that was so completely wrong for me in any situation. I am thankful I learn my lessons the first time and got out of that quickly. Fast forwarding I’ve regained once again my complete confidence in my strength, beauty and unfailing desire to give to and love those around me. I’m digging up old friendships and trying to strengthen newer ones. I’m laying in the sunshine as much as possible. I’m spending time with my loving crazy beautiful family as much as I can. And giving myself all that I need for my happiness and my sanity right now. It feels good to continue to learn such important life lessons. I slip up, I still make those stupid mistakes that leave you wondering what went wrong. But I’m trying
Post vacation bliss. I’m learning more about that smile everyday. I’m so thankful for what this weekend away gave me <3 #happygirl #familyvaca #love #bliss #soverythankful
So I’d been having kind of a rough past couple of days. I was feeling super low energy, didn’t really wanna be around anyone, was not enjoying work at all, I just all around wasn’t feeling my usual peppy self. It’s hard for me to pinpoint most of the time where my sadness, I wouldn’t call it depression, but just a general down demeanor comes from. I didn’t understand what was causing me to feel upset, and most of the time I never find out but I know now in my life what I need for myself in order to turn things around. It’s an amazing feeling to know yourself and know your needs, and yet it is a whole different challenge to learn how to make those things happen dare I say even be a little selfish?
I know I tend to give a lot of myself to those around me that I love and care about. Those number of people has grown quite a bit and so I can understand when I’m running low and I also have found ways to say no when I need my time. It’s not always easy to find time, I know for me being young with no husband and no kids and a fairly flexible work schedule I should have no problem. But I remind you I truly do love being around good people and being active and busy, so sometimes even for me time is hard to set aside. However it is I truly wholeheartedly believe it is not only beneficial but necessary to living in this crazy world. Read a book, take a walk, strum a guitar, exercise, sit outside on a sunny day, the skies the limit but find what truly makes you happy. And also find that happiness alone.
Most people fear the idea of being alone. And no I’m not talking about literally being alone all the time or not having a spouse or what have you. I’m just talking about spending time to yourself and really enjoying it and also regaining the strength and the happiness inside yourself to continue on.
Anyways, today was my ultimate. I worked all weekend and today was my 5th straight day. Needless to say I’m exhausted but my insomnia strikes again of course when it’s not welcome. I went out dancing with my sister last night, somewhat reluctantly because of how tired I was knowing I had to work today. But I went regardless, ran into (I’m not sure I should say my boyfriend quite yet as we’ve yet to make anything official so ill refer to him as my manfriend) anyways I ran into his neighbors, who are just great people and had a good time. Danced my booty off, which is one of the many things that I love that I know is good for me and that restores my good feelings. Had a drink, ate some late night bfast (again a bit reluctantly) and came home to bed. Needless to say I was a bit tired this morning but I put my big girl pants on and made today my bottom bitch. I had breakfast with my mom, which we’ve been having to put off for weeks and was a last minute surprise today. Shopped around a bit, didn’t buy anything of course because being a waitress isn’t always diamonds and Rolexes! Came home to find my neighbors adorable dog Jack in the yard, so we sat outside and laid in the sunny grass for nearly an hour. Got up from that and decided to grab my paycheck from work. When I say paycheck it’s not. I’m a waitress and a damn good one if I say so myself, I live off of tips. My paycheck for two weeks was 50$, and that’s a good two weeks. Please if your going to eat out and you get satisfactory service, which I always strive to give spectacular service, then please tip accordingly, thanks. Sorry had to get that out there. Anyways headed to the bank with some tips from the past couple days, always feels good to see that bank balance go up even a little. After cruising around in the beautiful sunshine bumping some awesome tunes, I sent my coworker a text to let her know I might be a few minutes late, being her hilarious self she says, “oh I thought you were texting to me ask if we wanted Starbucks, which we do.” I thought it sounded like a great idea, reminder I only got about 5 hours sleep last night and had already had a pretty full day. And I was so happy to be able to brighten my coworkers days just a little. I told her of course as long as I could be 15 minutes late, well cause it was all coming up rainbows I think even after having to stop by home for a hair clip I was barely 5 minutes late. Ha! And I had a great night at work, even though it was my Friday and I was tired when I got there. I was having such a great day I wasn’t gonna let it end there. I genuinely wanted to be at work and was enjoying being around my customers and sharing with them. It was just busy enough to make a little money and for time to go buy but not enough to kill a girl on her 5th straight day. Headed home around 9 and decided I was gonna take a hot bath and head to bed. So yea, about that, after two and a half episodes of Parks and Recreation. If you don’t already know get informed I just started watching this show a few weeks ago and it’s an instant fav, I’ve seriously been missing out. My body is exhausted and I want to sleep so bad so I turn off the Netflix on my phone and try to fall asleep. Now you must by now know what happened, insomnia. It’s 1:46am and I’m up browsing Pinterest and writing a novel on my blog. Absolute madness seeing as I’m getting back to my love, the tennis courts, tomorrow morning at 9:30am. Which by the way I am thrilled about. I miss tennis almost as much as I’m missing ice cream and Slurpees right now.
Sometimes my brain won’t shut down, tonight is one of those times. However they usually are my most creative and insightful times too. Strange how that works. I think laying here for the past few hours thinking about all the things going on in my life I think that bad feeling was some fear going on. My bad days were one because I needed to power down and get my life caught back up again and two because I’m still afraid of getting close to someone again.
Rushing, stressing, forcing, worrying these are all words I have tried to all but eliminate from my vocabulary. They are negative and only create problems and stress. So I caught myself back up again. I came home Saturday night after work and decided it was time to spend some alone time for a few days. However I also made sure to see some of the dearest people to my heart. I saw my very best friend in the whole world on Sunday. Got my oil changed and had lunch with my dad on Monday. Tuesday was surprised by a dear friend and her mom at work. Saw my sister last night. And had breakfast with my mom today. It was only for an hour here and there but it was exactly what my heart needed. Familia. And the rest of the time I was alone, besides when I had to drag my ass to work. I picked up my house, did laundry, paid bills, just basically did those necessary evils that truly do make you feel better when they are done. I worked hard on me for a little while and today came up roses. I feel replenished and recharged and back to, dare I even say better than my normal self :D fantastic.
Part of life is learning how to live it. It’s not an easy thing to figure, but once you have laid the ground work and have a basic understanding of the things you need and want for yourself and for your happiness I assure you it makes life a lot easier and a lot brighter. Let go, let be and live. My mom asked me today how I’ve been able to reduce my stress and really believe that everything in my life will turn out okay if I work hard and do my best to live a life I can be proud of. My answer was the car accident. You hear it a lot and it can seem cliche at times but you truly don’t know the feeling until you walk away from a situation saying I shouldn’t be alive. I am blessed beyond words that I am still here today, and it’s not something I dwell on a lot but from time to time I remind myself of the 16th of October last year when it could have been my last day.
I want to live each and every day of my life as best I can making myself and others around me as happy as humanly possible. I want to shine and be one of the those people that just attracts magic and possibilities. I feel like I have the potential to help and inspire, I’m just still trying to find a way to truly do that. Please try and carve out some time for yourself today. Even if its just 20 minutes of quiet time, trust me it will help ease the mindless rat race that our lives can so easily become. Enjoy yourself a little and be happy to be alive <3
Love of my life <3
The spark, the feelings, the rush.
Those moments that make you feel a thousand emotions and leave you on a high.
That cloud 9, floating on air kind of feeling. When the breeze hits your face and you know it’s breathing life back into your soul. That the earth has givin you exactly what you need and you know everything’s gonna be great.
More insomnia, my head and my heart are racing. Through memories and thoughts and insane piles of feelings. This is my time to shine. To prove to myself and others I am worth it and I truly deserve the best. I’m going after what I believe is best in all areas of my life. I’m ecstatic…on a high I couldn’t even begin to describe. But I will say my face has never hurt so much from smiling and laughing. Life is beautiful if you choose to see it that way. I promise, once you do you will truly become full within yourself and find true undeniable happiness.
I’ve learned through trials and tribulations. Seen people around me struggle in sadness and pain. Honesty is the VERY best policy. I’m living every moment being exactly who I am and being completely honest about it all. I’ve never felt quite so alive. I kinda lived for a while with that old saying “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” and it’s true it won’t. But what will hurt them is the fact you declined to be upfront from the beginning. Trust me they will uncover the truth. I won’t apologize for spoiling myself, I refuse to apologize for the gifts god gave me, and I can see how some may think I’m flaunting or being egotistical. It’s actually the complete opposite. I desire only to share my beauty and my brains, my spirit and my smile with the world. I used to resent feeling like I had to make people happy….I have found a new spirit, that my happiness is infectious and should be spread. I am the ultimate biotch if I chose to keep it all to myself. The people that can’t see beneath my surface and don’t want to share are absolutely not worth my time or my first worry.
In a place of peace. Joy. And I won’t apologize. I work hard for what I have and I am working harder to grow into the woman I wanna be. This life ain’t easy, but it’s as beautiful as you choose to make it.
I had a really wonderful day. It’s been a while sense I’ve been able to write, hate fckn writers block. But I’m gonna just try and start scribbling and work out from there.
I spent the day taking cute pictures in the boutique hotel downtown with my sister and the girls, had some wine, and reminded myself how beautiful I really am inside and out. I work hard and I am reaping my rewards right now. It’s a beautiful feeling.
Today stuff I love
-I love my fabulous new place
-I love Taco (that’s my pretty new car)
-I love my insanely huge smile
-I love the spark I see in my eyes
-I love my big blue blanket (boyfriend)
-I love XXX vitamin water
-I love my sparkly red nails :D
-I love cheesecake
-I love exercise it’s like crack
-I love dancing, it is my other crack
-I love music, also a form of crack
-I don’t love crack
-I love The League
-I love the sun
-I love sushi
-I love my bright blue skinny jeans
-I love being sexy
-I love laughing
-I love living my life
I spent so much time waiting around only to find broken promises, loneliness, and a broken heart. It’s time to move on now, my beautiful self and energetic spirit has resurfaced and come alive again. I will never make those same mistakes again. Prove yourself to me. That you deserve the amazing things I have to offer. I will not be taken advantage of. I am worth the whole package. I deserve everything. Fool me once same on you. I will be a shining light.